The Experimental Prophecy

Good question. You know, I have to say that I can't really decide. With the issues of the previous entries, I kinda picture of it like getting a tattoo (or atleast what my impression of getting a tattoo would be), my travel process was much like getting a very large tattoo on my back- one that no one can see most of the time. When I first arrived home it was inflamed and and red and sensitive, but still I was excited to show it off. Now, the swelling has quickly gone down and now it has settled down to one of those topics that I am content keeping to myself except in the circumstance where someone who knows me brings it up (or I go swimming?) in which case I am really happy to share. The insecurity has died down a lot. What is left if the knowledge that my own lessons learned are truly paramount to any other opinion.

I think if anything feels stronger, it is the feeling that I am closer than ever to the edge of social acceptance. I feel as if my ability to cope with the interactions and people whom I feel are lost in tides of pleasing, items and facades, has greatly diminished. And I feel more than ever that I am at risk of falling into a deep place where the only way to emerge it to remove the duality of my own habits, conditioning and materialism. But I suspect that is a place that exits to a much less-populated vista, alone, but hardly lonely. I probably sound a bit kooky at this point, but that is part of it-- I really feel like I don't care so much if I do. I just want to say what I feel and think without filtering as I have done most of my life. I have been blessed with the chance to see much of the world and meet an enormous array of people in the places that they live and if I can't make anything from this then I am just another tourist, taking pictures of the poverty that I am not a part of and feeling sorry for the less fortunate.

So here is how I reckon I am according to Alchemical teachings: this is the fermentation, a dark process where I can either emerge a transformed person resonating at a higher frequency that I previously was, or I can retreat back into a world or commonplace things and disappear forever in contentmen with the status quo. The comparison comes from the fermentation of certain metals in a vat full of black tar-iness occurs and results in the emergence of a yellow, purified sulfur (some people would say alcohol is that blessed byproduct). It is difficult place to be, one of the most difficult, and it is certainly dark in here, but it feels like a mighty fine place to be, if only I can get this muck off my nice new boots.


This in a long-loved thought that comes often to mind these days:

'But then the danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'
Jack Kerouac, On the Road